coping
so the past week brought me a bit of a suspense thriller. the story hasn't finished yet, but my feeling of anticipation has. maybe there's a positive side to be found with all this mess. for example, it came back to me - the reason why some years ago I told him to feck off, I couldn't be his gf anymore, not if I couldn't have anything apart from trying to grab a few minutes on the phone everyonce in a while. how I wouldn't allow to be taken a POW anymore.
if anyone else told me a story like mine, I'd say och, c'monnnnn you must be joking! how come you let him to treat you like that? I guess in a way he probably appears to be an egoistic twat, letting me starve on his extended arm. you might be right. I don't think he notices that or does it on purpose. it's just how he is and I knew that pretty much from the start.
I've had almost a decade to learn how to cope with the situation. yeah, sure, the insomnia and me are THAT close tight buddies again. yeah sure, I haven't really eaten anything this week. bfd. hang on,that's actually a positive thing for me. hehe.
I was really sad for about 30 hours. I felt let-down, deprived of the carrot that had been wagged around my face for a moment, before I had the chance to grab it. and then I got back up, dusted my knees off and put the stone-face back on. of course, I could've sent him an angry e-mail or yell at his answerphone. but that wouldn't've solved anything. it would've belittled me. stone magnolias and all that good stuff.
yeah, I'm distraught. but get a few of those lections in life, and you start to get back onto your feet in no time after a while. every time something like that happens. and if my back breaks, I won't let it eat me up. and if it hurts, I'll just allow the pain, and try to lock it away with the others. here, pains, here's a new mate for you to play with.
accept there be days like that. accept that he has no manners. accept I can't get over it as long as there's no new story which grants me either a happy end or a newer, bigger pain.
abandon all hope... I've learned to cope.
if anyone else told me a story like mine, I'd say och, c'monnnnn you must be joking! how come you let him to treat you like that? I guess in a way he probably appears to be an egoistic twat, letting me starve on his extended arm. you might be right. I don't think he notices that or does it on purpose. it's just how he is and I knew that pretty much from the start.
I've had almost a decade to learn how to cope with the situation. yeah, sure, the insomnia and me are THAT close tight buddies again. yeah sure, I haven't really eaten anything this week. bfd. hang on,that's actually a positive thing for me. hehe.
I was really sad for about 30 hours. I felt let-down, deprived of the carrot that had been wagged around my face for a moment, before I had the chance to grab it. and then I got back up, dusted my knees off and put the stone-face back on. of course, I could've sent him an angry e-mail or yell at his answerphone. but that wouldn't've solved anything. it would've belittled me. stone magnolias and all that good stuff.
yeah, I'm distraught. but get a few of those lections in life, and you start to get back onto your feet in no time after a while. every time something like that happens. and if my back breaks, I won't let it eat me up. and if it hurts, I'll just allow the pain, and try to lock it away with the others. here, pains, here's a new mate for you to play with.
accept there be days like that. accept that he has no manners. accept I can't get over it as long as there's no new story which grants me either a happy end or a newer, bigger pain.
abandon all hope... I've learned to cope.
posted by daria l'orange at 5:06 pm
3 Comments:
Let down by Goldeneye I take it? Sorry, Daria. *hugs*
i know people like that. they are good as friends but lousy lovers. they are on their own track of self discovery and can't see much else. it's good to know it's not you, it's them. xxxx
SL - thanks, mate. yep. it happened again. oh well...
chloe: that's a good description of him. I thought he'd gotten over that shite, what with the big 3-0 coming up... seems I was wrong
xxx
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