just forget it
I was a tiny child. when I was 4, I was so skinny, my mother and pediatrician feared there was something wrong. when I was 6, I was the smallest in my primary school class. when I was in 5th grade, I still hadn't grown a whole lot.
and then I turned into a teenager. I had an addiction to mars and twix and we all know what happens next. no teenage boy likes a fat chick with a big mouth and a brain too fast for them to cope. by the time I was 17, I had "resolved" the weight problem, I quit eating food alltogether and chucked a lot of drugs and alcohol instead. I was popular then. I could snap my fingers and take home every person not on the tree by the count of 3. what I couldn't get was... a steady guy at my side, still sat at the sideline, kinda-sorta, couldn't understand what the problem seemed to be. I was fit. I was fun. I wasn't what anyone wanted to keep around.
when I was 21, I ripped the ligaments in my right knee, had to get an operation and couldn't walk properly for months. I substituted the hard drugs for legal ones, started seeing a shrink regularly to talk all the shit off my chest. I put on 30 kilos since then. I lost 10, I put 15 on. I haven't been able to get rid of them again. I worked on my problems, I changed. my personality changed. I became someone I could like better. I gained in character and depth in the same speed as weight. you can be the nicest person on this planet, but if your butt is too big, you'll also be the lonliest.
as any true narciss I think I'm not too bad. I can't understand why not everyone sees me as I see myself. a good person.
not important? 3 of my so-called buddies forgot my birthday a couple of weeks ago. my older brother forgot it. the guy who supposedly tries to be my... significat-other? wtf? forgot it. goldeneye has never remembered it so far. I start to understand a few things. I'm there for others. while they give a shit about me.
I need new friends. I need to get a life. I need to get rid of the assholes and bastards in my life and find someone who cares.
and then I turned into a teenager. I had an addiction to mars and twix and we all know what happens next. no teenage boy likes a fat chick with a big mouth and a brain too fast for them to cope. by the time I was 17, I had "resolved" the weight problem, I quit eating food alltogether and chucked a lot of drugs and alcohol instead. I was popular then. I could snap my fingers and take home every person not on the tree by the count of 3. what I couldn't get was... a steady guy at my side, still sat at the sideline, kinda-sorta, couldn't understand what the problem seemed to be. I was fit. I was fun. I wasn't what anyone wanted to keep around.
when I was 21, I ripped the ligaments in my right knee, had to get an operation and couldn't walk properly for months. I substituted the hard drugs for legal ones, started seeing a shrink regularly to talk all the shit off my chest. I put on 30 kilos since then. I lost 10, I put 15 on. I haven't been able to get rid of them again. I worked on my problems, I changed. my personality changed. I became someone I could like better. I gained in character and depth in the same speed as weight. you can be the nicest person on this planet, but if your butt is too big, you'll also be the lonliest.
as any true narciss I think I'm not too bad. I can't understand why not everyone sees me as I see myself. a good person.
not important? 3 of my so-called buddies forgot my birthday a couple of weeks ago. my older brother forgot it. the guy who supposedly tries to be my... significat-other? wtf? forgot it. goldeneye has never remembered it so far. I start to understand a few things. I'm there for others. while they give a shit about me.
I need new friends. I need to get a life. I need to get rid of the assholes and bastards in my life and find someone who cares.
posted by daria l'orange at 9:15 pm
2 Comments:
the thing about birthdays is you have to remind people. nobody tells you that, and true, some people always remember, eg my sister remembers everything at all times. But for the rest of the people you have to give subtle hints. I do, all the time!
About new friends,i agree with you, we always need a breath of fresh air, even if we have the best of friends. You have a friend in me. I guess you meant tangible friends, but hey, you can come here and touch me,(I really do exist)
Love ya xx (it's blech valentine's day afterall)
that is so sweet :D
I'm very honoured!
great, and now I have this song playing in my head. rocky horror picture show? touch me touch me touch me touchhhh meeee
ehheheh!
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