impatience

I've always been impatient... but when I feel shite, it even gets worse. anything can and will trigger me and then the real me turns into bitter superbitch, just without the super-hero-costume.

I haven't been able to post anything here in quite a few days. oh, don't get me wrong, I do have an internet access pretty much 24/7... I just couldn't be arsed. I would've had to force myself, just like I'm doing now. figured if I don't get back to it, I mightn't in a long time.

Lately I'm getting stressed out by the smallest things. someone popping by to say hello will result in me thinking they should just stay away since they're usually not bothering to bust around either. I'm tired of some folks I know who get loonier by the minute and then expect me to listen to their raving and rambling while they've lost their ability to just have a conversation. the hi-how-are-you-I'm-so-so-whatcha-up-to kind of convo. I'm sick of the constant bickering of people about how difficult their this-n-that life is. no, really? welcome to the real world, you twats! *shakes head*

I see stuff on the news and it's really horrible.. but I can't get a connection to it anymore. it's like I'm so numb, it doesn't touch me anymore. I'm listening to god-and-the-world's problems... and I try to be sympathetic, lend my ears and my attention and my time... and all I am is unattached. I'm a watcher, but I'm not taking part. the visible me is what's present, while my mind is elsewhere. I'm not really there.

The lights are on, but noone's home.