fighting with myself

know thine enemy, even if it's yourself. especially if it's yourself. it's like there's two voices in my head, constantly competing over domination of my opinion. it isn't like I'm schizofrenic, far from it. it's just they're weighing concepts, I suppose one's the voice of reason and the other one speaks from a more emotional standpoint.

reason tells me to give up hoping for things I have no control over. like having a crush on someone who obviously doesn't feel the same - at least not for me. and emotion tells me it might be alright, there is hope still.

I don't know which it actually is. but it keeps me unsteady, shaky in the knees and doesn't make concentrating on less trivial things easier.

I wish this would end, I wish I'd find out either way, so I can adapt and get better eventually.

where it's gotten better is: at least I don't shout abuse at myself for those reasons anymore. I think I've learned that I don't need to hurt myself on top of the pain life sometimes deals to me.

I'm fighting with myself and I don't know who's winning - yet.