sport's good for ya

2 minutes before I left my house this morning to go to work, the sky decides to open the gates and rain would be the wrong word for it. I'll use waterfall instead. umbrella or no (I had one and used it), by the time I made it to central station (which is a 10-mins walk), I was soaked through from my hips down. I even had water sloshing around in my sneakers.

now, the good part is: wednesday is my sports day, only armageddon or the flu could keep me from going to the gym after work on wednesdays. so I had a second pair of sneakers and a pair of jogging pants in my backpack, which I changed into, switching the heating on to hang my socks, jeans and wet shoes over to dry. otherwise I would've sat in office for 8 hours feeling like a drowned cat who's pissed into its shoes.

sport's good for ya.

in the afternoon, I ordered a pair of rain-pants to pull over my clothes for the next big rain. I've had it up to here with water :P

amusing myself

tried to call a buddy on the phone last night... he lives across the atlantic and halfway down the northern part of the continent. "the number you've dialed is no longer in service". huh. so I sent him a little e-mail, asking if the aliens have now done the deed and destroyed his city.

this morning, 8 am, I stood under the shower (as I do every day at that time). the phone starts ringing and doesn't stop. I think to myself fuck this, I ain't getting out now. after I climb out, I walk over to where I dropped the phone and look at the display. the first 6 digits tell me it's his city code, so I call back. "just wanted to let you know I got a new phone number since friday and I hadn't gotten 'round to tell ya untill now"

I started to laugh, telling him I'd noticed the night before, and I'm glad he's calling now. I put him on loudspeaker so I could finish towelling myself dry and starting to get dressed, which of course, I told him about. course he wanted to know what kind of undies I'm wearing, and he was way off by thinking camisole and white trainer bra. "course not. black lace n shit." he got considerably twitchy and excited after that, saying it feels like he's having public sex (coz of the loudspeaker) and if my neighbours can hear us in the bathroom. "yeah, I guess, but who cares? since when are you having issues with publicity, only usually you'd go to the park for that, or cruising in a public toilet"

he was in a rush to get off the phone after that. hehehehe

met a buddy and a friend of his on the train to work. were chatting bullshit about grammar and languages in general (and giving the other poor fucks in the compartment the creeps, I'd bet), drinking coffee, shouting TIMMMAYY, asking every 3 mins if it's time to go home yet, since we'd already shown good manners by getting up and hopping on the train...

was incredibly tired all morning, by the time it was 3 pm, I was well into my 4th cappuccino, getting into a pretty good mood though, what with the awesome radio programme on fm4 (by ORF, austrian public radio), the sunshine outside and 2 books I bought on amazon that might come into handy with my studies. a propos, I'm getting the heeby-jeebies every now and then when I think about what lies ahead for me, considering I haven't seen the inside of a school in about a decade and starting a distance-learning uni in 3 WEEKS TIME!!!

I'm so excited

and I just can't hide it

I know I know I know I know I know

I want this

I want this

;)

fighting with myself

know thine enemy, even if it's yourself. especially if it's yourself. it's like there's two voices in my head, constantly competing over domination of my opinion. it isn't like I'm schizofrenic, far from it. it's just they're weighing concepts, I suppose one's the voice of reason and the other one speaks from a more emotional standpoint.

reason tells me to give up hoping for things I have no control over. like having a crush on someone who obviously doesn't feel the same - at least not for me. and emotion tells me it might be alright, there is hope still.

I don't know which it actually is. but it keeps me unsteady, shaky in the knees and doesn't make concentrating on less trivial things easier.

I wish this would end, I wish I'd find out either way, so I can adapt and get better eventually.

where it's gotten better is: at least I don't shout abuse at myself for those reasons anymore. I think I've learned that I don't need to hurt myself on top of the pain life sometimes deals to me.

I'm fighting with myself and I don't know who's winning - yet.