you gotta fight // for your right // to part-aaayyy

I don't want to go into the details on how I learned this, but the last couple of weeks were of the kind that would've made me loose respect for myself if I wouldn't've finally learned this lesson.

I had to get rid of someone I had known for over a decade, coz I couldn't keep on letting myself be hurt. there finally came the moment when I realized that no, I'm not some psycho bitch for wanting respect, that I didn't deserve being treated like a damn toy to be dragged out into the light whenever monsieur felt bored or lonely, that I didn't deserve this feeling of worthlessness. that I hadn't done anything to trigger getting kicked every time I stood up and said no more.

and I think I figured out how to stop it. by being honest without calling names. by standing up and asking "how would you feel if I did this to you?" and I wasn't really surprised when no answer came back. maybe said person's head exploded for all that thinking harmed it. who knows. who cares. not me. I've washed my hands. can go and fuck himself, for all I care. he didn't change, I did.

do I need a "friend" like this? nah-uh.

a mate of mine put it nicely when suggesting monsieur can go and be friends with his mum.

and guess what? this huge weight, this rock on my shoulders has finally dropped. I've found that bounce in my step again. I found that my grin has replaced the smirk of previous weeks. I've caught myself being semi-happy, of all things! ;-))