a break

I'm taking a break from reality. I'm burned out to the point where my stress levels are so high, my stomach decided digestion was something for sissies, so it stopped working. one day I've the runs, the next I couldn't take a shit for love or money. which means, I basically live off cola and dry buns half the time, and have an apple or a peach to make sure - just in case my colon needs help - it can leave the premises...ermm... you do the maths ;)

in other non-news, I try to keep to myself as much aspossible. I can't go clubbing, coz the last time I tried, I started crying when the dj played daddee yankee's gasolina. yeah, that's silly (not exactly the most romantic track there is) ... but... I hear it and I still feel his hands around me, feel his hip grind against my bum like that night in april. and then I turn around and he isn't there. he's not there :(

he deals differently with the loss, with the missing. me, I go up the walls, I have a dark reasoning telling me not to hope, not to wish, to give up and just crawl back into my hole and die. him, he.. I don't know what he's doing.

I only get a reaction when I taunt him, when I push his buttons. kinda trial and error. so some buttons come as a surprise, I wasn't aware of them. interesting to know that telling him I'm what I'm wearing gets him annoyed coz he can't see it.
what the world needs now...

.... is patience. truckloads. and good nerves, possibly of the steel variety. and caffeine a go go. and more patience. and a phone call. or the doorbell to ring.

fuck...