cross-country... stock and stone won't break etc...

yeah, I know. haven't posted anything in fuck knows when. been a bit busy with the footy (still am), wasting my time with the telly, swilling one 6-pack after the other and simply hanging loose.

slowly crawling back out of that black dark hole I'd decended into... starting to see the sun again, getting a grip on myself. steering my financial troubles into the right direction. sold my bike the other week, this afternoon I rented out my garage slot to a neighbour with a car for 50 euros per month, gee golly, my banker's gonna love me for this. spent 30 on a stack of books at some bookstore who were tossing out overstock for 2 euros each. you do the maths, I do the reading. nothing beats a weekend with the sun outside too hot to do much else but letting the world lick my lazy arse while I lay on the couch, smoking too much, drinking litres of espresso and reading one book after the other. good thing I'm easily satisfied, ey? ;)

in other news, a former school mate of my little bro tried to commit suicide with a coupla packs of painkillers that fuck up one's liver. he sent his ex gf a good-bye e-mail, who called his folks and then his father admitted him into hospital, where he's been in ICU for the past 2 days or so. next thing happening is he'll spend a few weeks in the psych ward where he'll finally get the help he's been needing for years. apparently, his liver hasn't suffered as much as he anticipated, so he'll get a second chance, which is good.

weird, though, he's the second this summer, who's tried. the older brother of another school mate succeeded with a gun a few weeks ago.

I may sound dark or taking it too lightly, but au contraire. I know how it feels like. I know what brings ya to the point where ya think this is the only way out of this pain some call life. been there, many times. and every single time, I found a reason why it couldn't be the end just yet. look into my bedroom and see the stacks of books I yet have to read. as long as there's still things I haven't read, things I don't know yet, I'm a woman on a mission. coz I want to know what there is to know. loneliness isn't enough to walk out on everything. hurt isn't enough reason.

I keep on hearing don't take it personal, and guess what? I'm starting to realize, whenever I hear that, in fact, I don't have to. not my fault if someone is too damn stupid to understand who I am and how good it'd be with me at his side. so noone wants me to make ye happy? fair enough, I'll make myself happy instead. and let's be honest - there's lots still to do in order to make me happy.

the next step to happiness: a big latte macchiato.
when do I want it? now
when am I getting it? in about 2 minutes.

loves y'all, be happy. have some caffeinated bevarages. you deserve it :)

6 pints and some footy

and it started on Munich's Marienplatz. you see here how the tunisian fans started the partying.

the weather was beautiful, the city is gorgeous and there's nothing people there like more than a coupla beers in the sun.

as you can see here, tunisian fans enjoy a good beer, too. they'll have to, coz we all know the beer sold at the worldcup is by an american producer I won't name here. bleughh.

they brought their own bands along, they were cheering each other on, partying like big'uns, they really got into the mood. happy people having themselves a great old time of fun and games. for the show on Marienplatz, they found a lot of new fans to support them. yes, people do love a good party!

as you can see, it got a little crowded in the subway going to the stadium. it was loud, people chanting their teams' songs, playing the drums and all kinds of shalms and what have ya, waving flags and each other around.

felt like tokyo in the rush hour inside the tube, it was hot, people giggled and cracked silly jokes about they hadn't really planned to use the sauna on such a hot day, how they would really love a cold beer, a shower and a new t-shirt soon...

aaaand we're in the Allianz Arena after that sweaty ride on the tube and a 15-mins walk in the sun. got felt up by some sweaty security girlie who also went through my backpack (yeah, next time I'll hide the bombs better).

at this point, I'm glad my cousin thought of getting us some pints. the beer tastes godaweful, but hey, we're that thirsty.

the teams walk in and the stadium's slowly but surely filling up. so are we, by that time, we're well into the second pint, still feeling soooo thirsty. beer still tastes disgusting, but hey - it is warm out here.

dunno if you can see this, but the seats are kinda behind the goal ;)

gotta love the scots. no team in the world cup, but hardcore fans who'll hang their flag, wear the proper clothes for this kind of weather and simply enjoy themselves.

remind me to ask them next time if or what they wear under the kilt ;p

oy mate, 'twas brill!

well... let's say both teams could still need some training... but hey - who cares about those, right? there was still some beer to be consumed, and bernie and me did. it was hot, the beer was flowing and I stopped bothering using the ladies', as the gents' was right beside our exit and the stalls were empty anyways.

quit taking pics, but kept on drinking.

a good 5 pints later, the score was 2 : 1 for who-fucken-cares and we thought that was quite enough, let's catch a tube downtown and watch the next game somewhere. we weren't the only ones with that idea, so there were a coupla dozen thousand other fans heading that direction. at some point, news got around the game ended with a 2 : 2 tie. nice. I still had my 6th pint in my mitt, giggling at bernie's jokes.

on the tube back, we got to talk to some young blokes from the german mid-west and 2 buzzed english fans. same presidure every fucken' time: "say, are you irish?"

heheheh nope.

saw the next game, germany vs. poland, in a little coffee bar around central station. was good fun, and after a 10-pm burger dinner, I really needed the big cappuccino to settle my stomach.

dear tunisian fans: thanks for a great party.

dear fifa: get us better beer next time.

dear footy fans: I love y'all, yer great :D

olé!

guess where I'm going....

yes, SL, kneel down and cry... I'm going to Munich tomorrow and watch this match live. in the stadium. 'coz I have tickets! heh heh heh

I know I'll have me some good old fun. and as much beer as I can. yeah, even that horrid anheuser bleaaghhh ;)

ner ni ner ner

here is

to say it with paul weller: "here's to the one that got away"

sometimes, there's no other way to force yer mind on other things. anything, just not what you've been masturbating your brain over for days, weeks, months, years.

and don't I love the footy. 4 weeks of good times ahead. who cares who'll win. it's the perfect excuse to watch telly at work and stock the fridge with beer. coz - let's be honest about this - there's nothing as disgusting as lukewarm beer. maybe horsepiss, but I can't say for sure, never tried that ;p

doors

let's see. at the moment, I don't really have all that much to say. petty things happened that don't amount to much I could write about. I solved a few problems I had, I think, well, they'll hopefully be signed, sealed and finished off in the next coupla days. a big financial weight will be taken off my shoulders, which is good.

the more time passing, the more I realize there's many things I once needed I don't need in my life anymore. things I don't need anymore. in my mind, I'm going through my shite and sort out.

thinking so much has pretty much shut me up for weeks. has me shut doors, shut out some people. I blocked about 99% of "buddies" on my messengers. I can't listen to certain things anymore. I can't listen to "I'm so happy, so in love, we'll have blahblahblah" right now. I don't want to feel so left out by life. I'm my own person, I don't need to get my face shoved into other people's candy shit right now.

when I'm feeling low, when I crash through that hole in the floor, I always come back. to myself. I look at myself, and I know I'll come back out eventually. a stronger person. realizing I can rely on myself. I'll be there for myself, trying to make it better. coming home to me. being there for myself, being patient. 'coz eventually, in just a matter of time, I'll come through. no matter what happens, I'm there.

incommunicado, but sticking around. we're in for the long haul.