variations on a theme
so he stayed with me for about a week. it took me a few days to process all the information and show the pain the door - from the outside. hurt and me still stick around, playing cards, having a smoke.
let me just put it this way. goldeneye and me both aged, have both let ourselves go a bit, but I'm the one to be judged for it. we still get along well, have lots to talk about, to laugh about. I still like him that way, it just doesn't seem to be mutual anymore. he talks a lot about "we have to..." this and that. while I sat and thought to myself oh honey - there isn't a we or us anymore. there's you and there's me, but the we has gone. could also be a translation problem. nevermind.
he sees me as one of his 3 closest friends, one of his oldest friends, too (well, 10 years down the road don't go without any trace) and I still think about how to get into his pants. which proved to be impossible a task when someone doesn't realize I'm a woman. I thought the tits were a dead give-away? apparently not.
there was just one kinda ugly scene when we were both pretty blitzed and were walking from one club to another and he gave me that "you know, you're such a great woman, if you lost some weight you could have any guy you wanted" (he didn't mean himself, obviously) speech. no, really??? I said I wasn't aware of that!! he didn't get the hint. "and I think you'd like to be married and it'd be good for ya, too, and I'd really like to change your last name on my phone lists. though, then I'd probably see less of you then"
while I was thinking to myself less than the past 8 years when I didn't see hide nor hair of you? how less than that could you possibly see me, dickhead? I had an urge to punch him in the face, it took all my strength not to.
so off to that club we went, drank some more, I danced it out of my system. funny enough, I got hit on by two guys high out of their skull, one of them going rrrroaarrrr on me, yelling at me that I'm the only woman on the planet, the only one!! I couldn't stop laughing. goldeneye's jaw dropped.
when he left a few days later, I kinda overslept and hence he had to leave alone. good thing I can barely speak when I just fall out of bed, so I didn't have to give a bad impression by staging a scene. heh
gave him a kiss, sent him on his merry way. went back to bed. was too shellshocked to even cry. that came much later.
I'm very impressed about the way my family and some of my friends have stood right behind me, taking care of me, taking me out for dinner or retail therapy, making time for me.
I'm not worse off than I was 2 weeks ago, all things considered. my life is still the same. I'm still the same. it's not the end of the world, and I've been through worse. I must admit I had a helluva time with him and I can be friends with him still.
what do I learn from all of this? one thing only: next time, I won't fix the guest room, indeed I'll change the outlay of the whole room and there won't be a place to sleep on apart in my bed ;)
men... pffttttt
let me just put it this way. goldeneye and me both aged, have both let ourselves go a bit, but I'm the one to be judged for it. we still get along well, have lots to talk about, to laugh about. I still like him that way, it just doesn't seem to be mutual anymore. he talks a lot about "we have to..." this and that. while I sat and thought to myself oh honey - there isn't a we or us anymore. there's you and there's me, but the we has gone. could also be a translation problem. nevermind.
he sees me as one of his 3 closest friends, one of his oldest friends, too (well, 10 years down the road don't go without any trace) and I still think about how to get into his pants. which proved to be impossible a task when someone doesn't realize I'm a woman. I thought the tits were a dead give-away? apparently not.
there was just one kinda ugly scene when we were both pretty blitzed and were walking from one club to another and he gave me that "you know, you're such a great woman, if you lost some weight you could have any guy you wanted" (he didn't mean himself, obviously) speech. no, really??? I said I wasn't aware of that!! he didn't get the hint. "and I think you'd like to be married and it'd be good for ya, too, and I'd really like to change your last name on my phone lists. though, then I'd probably see less of you then"
while I was thinking to myself less than the past 8 years when I didn't see hide nor hair of you? how less than that could you possibly see me, dickhead? I had an urge to punch him in the face, it took all my strength not to.
so off to that club we went, drank some more, I danced it out of my system. funny enough, I got hit on by two guys high out of their skull, one of them going rrrroaarrrr on me, yelling at me that I'm the only woman on the planet, the only one!! I couldn't stop laughing. goldeneye's jaw dropped.
when he left a few days later, I kinda overslept and hence he had to leave alone. good thing I can barely speak when I just fall out of bed, so I didn't have to give a bad impression by staging a scene. heh
gave him a kiss, sent him on his merry way. went back to bed. was too shellshocked to even cry. that came much later.
I'm very impressed about the way my family and some of my friends have stood right behind me, taking care of me, taking me out for dinner or retail therapy, making time for me.
I'm not worse off than I was 2 weeks ago, all things considered. my life is still the same. I'm still the same. it's not the end of the world, and I've been through worse. I must admit I had a helluva time with him and I can be friends with him still.
what do I learn from all of this? one thing only: next time, I won't fix the guest room, indeed I'll change the outlay of the whole room and there won't be a place to sleep on apart in my bed ;)
men... pffttttt
posted by daria l'orange at 1:00 pm
4 Comments:
I'll say this for you, Daria. You NEVER give up!
Take care, hon
xx
no giving up, SL, never. if mother-dear has taught me one thing in life: yep, ya might fall on yer face from time to time. but then ya get back up immediately or eventually, brush the dust off yer knees and tackle it again. giving up is NOT an option. sure, I cried a lot over the past few days. I'd lie if I say I didn't. but life has made me hard and tough and strong. oohhh I see another post coming up hehe xx
i don't know if you are friends with this person, but he isn't a gentleman. You just never tell a woman who is offering you hospitality that she needs to lose weight. Never.
all of us know if we need to lose weight or wax our legs or start dressing better. We don't need to be told by men who come in and out of our life.
He isn't there for you when you need him so he has no right to judge your appearance or anything else on and in you.
chloe - you're right, as usual. he's not there for me when I need him. I'm not a toy anyone can pull out when one's feeling bored or lonely. I get the whole deal or I'm not taking at all. the part about telling me what doesn't appear to be in his liking: oh well, that's what men do. also the reason why women think men are idiots. ;) xxx
serendipity - my upstairs neighbour calls his whippet-thin marathon-running gf "fatty". go figure. boys will be boys. of course there's exceptions, but let's be honest, most will never learn, ey ;)
and damn straight, I deserve better than what wasn't on offer hehehe
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