careful.... toes to step on

careful what ya wish for, right? I wished for someone who knows me a little to realize who I am and love me for it. it appears D does. kinda-sorta. or he's putting on a damn good show. I don't know, but it frightens me (more than just a bit). the other day, I called him on the phone because I was so tired and needed to lay down a bit, and the phone was the easiest way. that might turn out into a massive phone bill. think of other-side-of-the-world. not sure yet. so far away. it hasn't affected me at all when the thing with S went on last year and again this year. maybe it's just too easy? or it hasn't clicked (just yet)?

in a way, I know we're very similar in many ways, but don't match at all in many other vital things. I like him so, I don't wanna step onto his toes or even hurt him. I'd never wanna hurt him. or anybody.

but in hurt it'll inevitably end.

and I'll be just as hurt by it all.

he claims we'll always be friends. something tells me that won't be possible for him in the end. what am I doing? I'm not playing anything, but I should've stepped back a few when that was still possible. here I am, like so many times before, seeing the end before it's even really beginning. I wish I had this kind of foresight when it comes to the lottery numbers. or horse races.

damn shite.