history repeating... (not the propellers this time)

story of my life's repeating today, as I'm learning that it probably doesn't make sense to be sad about stuff not happening or things working out differently than I would've wanted them...

a long-time-ago friend of mine had announced a sighting of his, but then had to withdraw the threat by life changing the roadmap for him... and even though I know it's probably for the better (seeing him leave the first time was hard enough... dunno how I would've felt like if that would've happened again), I still feel sorry, as I was looking forward to drinking too much coffee with him finally again...

cheer me up, I need it today, will ya? :o)

toothfairy

my dentist looks like a younger, cuter version of robert redford. strawberry blond, freckles everywhere and azure-blue eyes. I'd guess him around 40, with a very soft-spoken deep voice.. in other words: rrrroaarrr!

last night I had an appointment with him. they took a new x-ray pic of my gob and then we discussed it. I still have one wisdom tooth left over in my right jaw, and even I could see it's starting to get too close to the root of the next molar. it lays there comfortably in a horizontal state, so peaceful.
"d'ya reckon I should have that one removed?" I asked.
"well, let's put it this way: I've had a client with a similar situation, and he lost that molar because the wisdom tooth had distroyed the molar's root. so it might be a good idea to have it taken out. I can give you the adress of a good surgeon."

my mum goes to the same dentist, and well, her teeth are a disaster area, as C'd put it.
"d'ya reckon my dentition is as crap as me mummy's?" I asked, grinning.
"well, not quite, and it's a bit early to say... but it seems you were luckier than her in that respect." he flashes his I-torture-people-for-a-living-but-please-don't-hate-me-coz-I'm-cute grin.

so basically, I'm trying to figure out a week where the cons at office are okay with me taking some sick-leave and set up an appointment to have that tooth removed.

get the toothfairy around, this'll cost her big time.

needles & pins

it's a rainy day at work today, so I'm googleing around to find tattoo motives. the last time I had anything permanent done to my body has been quite some time, so I'm looking around to see if anything appeals to me; I think I'm in need to mark a new era.

I had my first earrings shot when I was 6 years old, but the one in my right ear kept getting infected, so I had to take it out in primary school and just kept the left one. when I got older, I had the right ear shot through again. and again. and again....

between age 17 and 22 I had various other spots of my body pierced. I still wear 6 earrings in each ear mounting up to a total of 12... when I was 18, I had my nose pierced on the left side. I started out wearing a red pin, but that got uncomfortable fast, so I changed it to a silver hoop... after I got older and my paycheck bigger, I exchanged that one for a 12-karat gold ring.

a fortnight before my 20th birthday I got myself a tattoo on my left shoulder/arm. it's a black tribal dragon, the size of a pack of cigarettes, for the year I was born in (chinese year of the dragon).

for my 21st birthday, I had my belly button pierced, but since it kept interfering with the waistband of any pants I'd wear, it kinda started to get nasty; it grew out and the skin that held it in place got thinner and thinner, so I had to take it out after some months. I still have a little scar on top of my bellybutton left over (not that I don't have dozens of scars on my body besides that one, heh)

so basically, the 10-year-span has come and gone and I'm getting restless.
well, okay, I could loose 30 kilos and change my weight permanently, but where's the fun in that????

waste of time

so this past weekend, I went out on a semi-date. while I was waiting for the bloke to show up (bad sign... shouldn't he be there first? and whatever happened to being on time?), I had a little talk and laugh with two guys at the neighbour table. so anyways, the date finally showed up and I started to realize this was a waste of time. here's why:

a) dry lips. c'mon, buddy... who'd feel the urge to give ya a snog when the skin on your lips is cracking and you look like you have lepra?
b) he "lost" his "own" mobile phone. c'mon, buddy... I's not that stupid. get a life.
c) didn't order anything to drink. not even coffee. not even when I offered. why would ya agree to meet at a street café, if you don't intend to drink anything? how weird is that?
d) if you come from a different country and intend to stay in the new country... have the decency to learn the language. when I asked him how long he's been here, he said something about since last year. now it's mid-may. hello??? and even if you're too lazy to learn the lingo, can't you at least learn how to speak the kind of proper english I can speak/understand, too?
e) so you're skint.
f) so you're pretending to be something you're not. designer my arse! I bet, if I'd've let you draw anything onto a paper napkin, the 3-year-old toddler from the next table could've beat you in originality.
g) what part of "no, I don't want to be your girlfriend" didn't you understand? apart from my jokes (which were all wasted on you, just like those 1,5 hours)

conclusion:
I may be ugly, but I'm not dumb. do I look dumb to you? oh, it's my blonde hair, right? you know what, sod off, you freak. I can do better stuff with my spare time than wasting it on eejits like you! the only line I didn't hear this time was: "we could help one another"
but if I'm honest, I would've heard that from you in about 20 mins' time, had I not fleed the spot.
help with what? I go work my ass off to make ends meet, while you hang around, help yourself to my credit cards and hit on chicks on the street some more? I fill the fridge and you and your mates empty it and then complain there's no beer left over?
you know, fuck off!!!

once again time to realize I'm happier on my own than I usually admit to myself. I'm rather alone and lonely than with any old fucker. I'm not that desperate.

if you don't have the dough, it's no go

pain in the...

no, not arse. it's ye olde knees and hands again. when I walk it looks like I'm in my late 70ies, not late 20ies. can barely bend the knees. goes to the ankles as well. my hands can barely grab a cig, let alone roll one. when I touch the knuckles it hurts.

so tonight I'm knocking back painkillers a go go.
so from tomorrow night on, it'll be le ganja again. only thing that really takes the inflammation away - if just for a couple of days.

so far, I've met one orthopaedic who didn't think I only imagine this all. though the PKs he gave me are of the sort that leave me drowsy and uncomfortably high, so those are just for the really really bad days.

apart from that I've started a quest for the painkiller for me. good thing my kidneys are utter shite, though I lost the last gemstone from those last week and so there should be time for them to work off the meds.

yeehaawww.

there you were @ 4 am

Dear You,

I had a dream about you last night... somewhere inbetween of 3 am and 4 am (I know because right after, I woke up and had to use the bathroom.. and the alarm clock said 03:57 am)

so, back to the dream. you were there, almost, and I sat on a garden chair on my mum's backporch, it was one of her parties, and I was very content. just 'cause you were there, too. I kept giving you a pet and grinned at you and hummed lil' ditties atcha and it was all very calm.

so when I woke up and had to crawl to the loo, I was still smiling, coz I had "seen" you, and up untill now, all my dreams have made it into the awake-reality, so I've nothing to fear, since all will be well in the end.

*smiles*

it's a good day

... and nothing really happened. it's just good.


it all began yesterday night... I left office (right after telling one of my colleagues what a fuck-wit he is and I've no time to stay on to do stuff he can do himself, why else have I given him some forms to fill out... asshole!) and hopped on a train downtown, to go visit E, a friend of mine.

as I sat down, an old woman walks by my seat, gesticulating like a maniac.. untill I notice she wants me to crank down the volume of my mp3-player. yeah, as if! hah! then she walked further... the old bat confused me so much, I got off the train 2 stops too early, walked around central station untill I noticed my mistake, hopped onto another train to then get off the right stop, changed onto a subway and then stood there reading the newspapers right untill E's stop.

we sat in her kitchen, talking bull about people we both know... taking the piss at everything that's happened since we last met up and ordered pizza while her phone constantly rang and I couldn't stop myself from babbling into her talking on the phone hehehe

off we went taking the piss at fecken xyz branche for being shite, asking ourselves why we keep on working the beat after 7 years (in my case) and 6 years (her case) and why the hell haven't we learned sth more REAL or at least move onto sth better/more worthwile/less idiotic (much hillarity ensued)

some time ago she had a snogging-affair with xyz and now she's so bored, she said now's a good time to go ahead and fuck him or she'll burst. atta, girl! *thumbs up*

I adore her for her many things... most of all: she doesn't give a feck how she doesn't look like - and noone seems to care she doesn't look like a model. I dunno how she does it, but I'll keep on hanging around since I seem to have lost that ability and could really do with some advice lol

we went to bed at around 1 am, and I must say I haven't had such a good night's sleep in ages... I even heard the alarm clock function on my mobile and stayed on the couch for a couple of more minutes before hitting her shower, whistleing along the music in my head... and waking her up at 07:55 am (she's on vacation this week) asking her if it's very mean of me to wake her up this early - since she doesn't have to go to work today - and demanding a cup of cappuccino she so unwisely offered to make me the night before. she merely lifted her head off the pillow, moaning "fuck off" and turned around. giggleing, I closed the door, put my shite back into my backpack and went into the kitchen, rolling my first cig of the day, listening to her waltzing into the loo and then off to the espressomachine. hah!

we hung around her kitchen another 45 minutes, talking about - literally - god and the world... well, rather, why religions suck and how come some people marry virgin (about 2 million years too fecken' late for us) and how come we seem to have to learn stuff anew and try to learn it good this time we're all around, so we don't have to go and try again the next time (if that makes sense to you?)

by the way, in case you haven't noticed untill now, I'm trying to get myself a booker prize by this posting, so you better get me a medal or a pint or sth ;P


so, tomorrow we have a holiday here. which also has to do with my good mood today. nothing beats a day off, for free! I hope the sun will be shining... at least a little... I wanna ride my m-bike all over town... for the first time since seeing that motorcycle accident happening last saturday...will be an interesting experience, eh *chuckles*

basically planning to sleep out, make myself a really nice breakfast, hang around a little and enjoy myself.

right *pulling myself together* I should possibly get back to pretending I'm actually working. yeah, right, as if ANYONE will believe that. hahah!