running with scissors

I dunno what to write today.. feeling weird, feeling exhausted and at the same time trying not to give a shit at all. not quite sure if it works out alright, trying to hold my head up high and get on with my friggin' life, I guess...

whatever it was I've been trying to do in the past months hasn't turned into anything, the road to whereever is out there somewhere, I just can't seem to find it.

and then I know I should stop whining and complaining and just fecken' DO SOMETHING

I know, I know..

blue spots

I'm sporting a lovely set of blue spots on both of my arm crooks... no, I haven't started to shoot H, nah-uh, this is the result of yesterday morning's blood-drawing by a doc that might wanna consider practising that a bit....
I suppose it's best I'll wear long sleeves for a while, I don't wanna hear silly questions about it.

tonight, P's coming over to check out my home pc to see if he can set up my internet connection to the point where it actually works *grins* so keep your fingers crossed for me.

the good, the bad and the ugly

life ain't a box of chocolate... nuh-uh... it's a little pack of painkillers (coz you never know just how stoned you'll get *chuckles*
I seem to have a new hobby these days: having doc's appointments.
don't know yet what or if something will come out of this.. but if anyone can take my pain away, I'll be grateful.

the good:
now I know I can do a format C, and reinstall xp (yeah I know... don't laugh)
the bad:
now I know I'm too dumb to set up a dsl modem (which worked fine BEFORE I did that format C *rollseyes* but hey - what's techie friends for anyways? LOL
the ugly:
the pains, the loneliness (having no connection to the outside world at nights ruined the rest of my almost non-existant social life) and the not-knowing about what's gonna happen next

someone give me something good to smoke ;o)

stuck in the middle with you

if I had words...

how do you tell someone - in coherent words - you really care? without making a complete fool out of yourself? is that even possible?
why's that have to be so complicated?
one of the few moments I'm sorta lacking the words....

child in time

right... so my dad has bought himself his first mp3 player. he's 52 and into all kinds of little electro-toys... when he drove my little bro and me back to our city, he had to show us how nice his mp3 player works in the car...
imagine a scenery of complete darkness outside... a bit of snow on the side of the road... and deep purple screaming "child in time" on top volume... with my lil bro and my dad commenting from time to time how cool that track is.
*chuckles*

ow

so many things going on right now.. I don't know where and how to start. basically I'm trying to keep everything on hold for the time being. been having massive problems with my stomach, due to the medication burning through acid *snorts*

explaining the world of... wicked yoga

so my mate C and me hung around talking bull like usually... he was obviously bored and went on how he was pregnant with my kittens and how I'm supposed to pay childsupport now. there's just a few minor things he had wrong...

C: *me loves blackmailing*
me: well.. since you're a cat.. this is gonna be cheap
C: i am not a cat
C: i am a human
C: but the kitten in your photo slept with me in your dreams

(EDITOR'S NOTE: he's referring to a pic of hello kitty in my msn window the previous day)

C: and now i am all impregnated
me: aahhh ic
me: inter-species sex, eh?
C: i would not call it sex
C: i'd say nude yoga
C: that TANTRUM STUFF
me: lmao
me: tantrum = having a hissy fit
C: a what?
me: tantra / tantric... that's to do with yoga
me: having a tantrum.. is when you start to scream and you're angry and kids would roll on the ground
me: lmao
C: lol

that was just too cute not to share it *chuckles*

temper, temper

right, so I'm officially stressed today. more than a reason to take some time off the constantly ringing phone and doing something to calm myself down.
*sigh*

I don't know what's the matter with today. I mean, for cryin' out loud, it's just a thursday!!! there's no reason whatsoever to keep calling my desk and annoy me with silly questions and claims and what-have-ya!!! I only have one ear to hear and two hands to type!!! I ain't mother fucking theresa either, I don't do magic (well, at least not at this sorry excuse for an office) and no, it won't help if you call in every 3 hours to see if you can put another useless item onto your order you placed 2 days ago. keep doing that, matey, and I'll withhold your shite 'till kingdom come *chuckles*

c'mon, honeypie, keep yerself together, you'll manage the last 2 days before you officially go AOL (absent on leave)

even considered to sit down this weekend and start to pay some bills that have been stacking up on the little table by the front door. playing dead won't work for ages, so now it's time to squeeze my eyes and just go along.

I'm getting a tad bit anxious about my planning of the months to come.
still knocking back PKs, my tummy feels constantly funny and I feel like shite.
any superheroes out there to the rescue? pretty please?

euro burger

when I rewind time a little I can come up with some stuff that happened last night. well, yeah, I can say that I'm just as americanized as any john, paul or ringo =P
on the way home from work I suddenly had a craving for burgers. and not just the fast-food-chain variety.. but "real" ones. so I went to this supermarket. getting the minced meat wasn't a problem. trying to buy the buns, was. apparently I wasn't the only one who'd had that idea. the bread racks were emptied out as if there's no tomorrow. no buns of ANY round kind LOL
when I put the minced meat, mustard and mayostuff on the cashier thingie, there were 2 teenage chicas behind me, with longish buns and enough hotdog sausages to feed a footy team. Bon apetite, y'all! heh

right... I won't comment on the u.s. elections 2004 now. I'll leave that to people who don't have the privilege to live in europe *chuckles*
I'll probably come back to that some other time, but right now I'm just leaning back and enjoying the jawing match out there.

still hurting today, and I start to wonder why my boss wouldn't let me take this week off... he had said he'd only be here half-days due to the school holidays. guess what? he's pretending nothing's been said about it and I feel fooled again. I so hope for this to end - and soon.

high as a kite

yeah, so I'm a clumsy hazard to myself. managed to drop a box full of food off a shopping cart... slipped on a wet floor, fell over my own foot and crashed onto the stone-floor with my left knee first. coupla ice packs and 2 days later, the other knee decided to join and now I walk like the friggin' hunchback of notre dame. Basically I've been living off painkillers for 3 days now and it starts to affect me. being high as a kite can be lovely.. but not for days...
*sighs*
checked out some universities' websites today... looks like getting a seat to study will turn out quite difficult. and then there's the issue about getting a place to go back to school before that, as well.
I feel old, impotent and crippled. hurting all over. someone take pity on me...
*chuckles*